Emma (00:01.078)
Hello, Alexi, I'm so happy to have you here. Thank you for being the very first guest on the Contra Success podcast.
Alexi Panos (00:08.366)
I'm so honored. I feel so special. I'm so excited for this podcast, for y'all listening. This is going to be so juicy for you.
Emma (00:16.382)
Yeah, so a little backstory for our listeners on you and how I came into your world. I, as you know, used to be a tech exec, and I was in the hustle and the push and the burnout. And at the time, I was living in London, and I heard about Elementum Coaching Institute through one of your co-founders. It wasn't in your world yet. But I thought at the time, I'll go to basically night school to.
learn how to become a coach so that I can be an even better leader because clearly I'm not doing enough already. So I enroll in, you know, year long Alimentum. I'm going, I'm working from eight to seven. Then I'm doing class from eight PM to 10 PM every night. And I remember seeing you for the first time and you were this like goddess, like totally grounded, totally present, so curious, so warm, so feminine. And I really had that like, my gosh, like I want that moment.
Alexi Panos (00:47.79)
Hey
Emma (01:12.138)
And it totally shifted for me, where I was like, all of these male leaders, all of this hustle, all of the goal setting that I had previously thought I wanted, when I really got in your world and got in this space and had you as an example of what a different kind of success looked like, it just really changed everything for me. So you've been such an expander for me personally. I mean, not only getting trained in your coaching institute, but then getting to work with you one-on-one these last few years has been such a gift.
I've done Awaken the Muse, your feminine embodiment program. I've done the bridge experience that you run with your husband. I've done all the things. And I just really wanted you to hear that first and foremost and for our audience to hear that having examples that are really embodied of what it actually looks like to lead in authenticity and with your consciousness and with the fullness of your yourself and your soul is just so transformative. And so there was no better guess than to have
Alexi Panos (01:47.65)
Yes.
Emma (02:11.2)
you be the very first guest on this podcast. You to me are what it means to be consciously successful and to live that out. And so thank you so much for being here.
Alexi Panos (02:21.102)
That's so like, love, I didn't know like the full nuance of the story. So that was so beautiful to hear. Thank you. gosh, I remember when I was where you were at, where I was like, this is the way, right? Like you just have to kill yourself to become successful. Like that's the way, correct? Like just outwork everybody, be smarter than everybody, out hustle everybody.
Emma (02:35.266)
Mm-hmm.
Alexi Panos (02:44.258)
That's the way, and I came up in a very male-dominated industry seeing that that was the way that you became successful. And so through many of my own burnouts and breakdowns, I had to learn that there was, in fact, a better way.
Emma (02:48.535)
Yeah.
Emma (02:59.67)
Totally. And that's really what we're here to dive into today. And so I'd love just for my listeners, probably many don't know your whole career journey. And so I'd love if you can just start with walking us through what that's looked like, the different chapters, because it's been so dynamic. And for those of you who don't know listening, you've built multi, multi, seven, eight figure businesses. You've had all of these various chapters. So I'd love for you to just walk us through that. yeah, would love to start there.
Alexi Panos (03:29.194)
Yeah, well, you know, I have like seven lives before I got into the coaching business. I was in entertainment. I was a television host, hosting on E entertainment news. had a show on HGTV. had a show on discovery and history. Like I was by all means crushing it, like dream life. And I was just so not feeling connected to my soul. Like I'm like, there's something more for me here.
and why do I have everything I thought I'd ever wanted in this entertainment career? And it was, you know, I'd worked my butt off for, you know, 15 years since I was a teenager in the biz to get to a point where I was being handed six figure contracts for great shows. And it just didn't feel like it was enough. Like, I'm like, there's gotta be something more. And so I'd always had a passion for personal development and psychology and philosophy. My mom was a psychologist and I...
grew up going to Tony Robbins and graduated Landmark at 18, did their whole curriculum. So I'd always been in the work, but never knew or never thought that I could actually make a living from it. And here I was on set of E! News and I was getting my hair and makeup done and having a chat with my makeup artist and coaching her. And I'd coached her every single day on set. And she's like,
Emma (04:34.337)
Hmm.
Alexi Panos (04:47.938)
Girl, you are so good at this. Like you need to be a psychologist. Cause at the time coaching was not a thing. You know, this was almost 18 years ago and I'm like, yeah, maybe I should. And so I took a course at NYU for coaching and I'm like, this is awesome. And slowly but surely built this business that again, I didn't even know if it would be successful. I didn't even know if, you know, I had a shot. I was just like, I'm going for it.
Emma (04:50.305)
Hmm.
Alexi Panos (05:15.138)
This is what lights me up and makes me feel so excited. I took my background in production and television and traveled the world and made these inspiring videos in like the most gorgeous locations all over the world, synthesizing really amazing ideas into this really simple, entertaining three to four minute video. And that's what kind of launched my career. And sure enough,
Emma (05:33.45)
Hmm.
Alexi Panos (05:38.39)
like social media started taking off, YouTube was taking off, like everything started taking off. I was getting recognized by Forbes and Inc. as like one of the top changemakers, female entrepreneur changemakers that are changing the way that we do society. I was getting invited to Necker Island by Richard Branson to mastermind with some of the top innovative voices in online change. And it was like, my gosh, pinch me, is this happening? It's happening. And I started making money. I'm selling out my courses.
Emma (06:04.243)
Mm-hmm
Alexi Panos (06:06.958)
making six figures in one day. remember my first course I launched, gosh, this is at least like 15 years ago. I launched it on Easter Sunday and everyone's like, you shouldn't launch on a holiday, it's a bad idea. And I opened up my thing and then literally like I was flying back home to visit my family. And on the flight over since I launched from New York to Erie, Pennsylvania, I had made $96,000 and I was like, oh my God.
Emma (06:33.403)
Wild.
Alexi Panos (06:36.27)
This can work. And then I got a six figure book deal to do two books that eventually became best sellers and started speaking all around the world and getting paid, you know, 20, $30,000 per speech and speaking in front of thousands of people. And again, I had this moment where I was like, oh my gosh, I have everything that I thought I wanted, especially in like this soul fulfilling, soul aligned career. But yet I was exhausted all the time.
No free time. also have four kids that I had back to back in four years. There's a set of twins in there. So Emma and I have that in common. And yeah, it was just, I was trying to do it all, be it all and have it all, not realizing that there was a cost. There was a cost to it. And the greatest cost, you know, was my health. Like I was at clinical burnout where I remember prior to even getting pregnant with my first child, Kingston, my oldest.
Emma (07:14.155)
We do.
Emma (07:22.817)
Mm-hmm.
Alexi Panos (07:35.18)
I did a bunch of health tests because I'm like, let me just make sure everything's good. I want to detox. You know, I'm kind of like a granola mom. So I'm like, let me detox before I get pregnant. And the woman who I worked with was like, girl, you have like no hormones. I'm like, what do you mean? And she's like, you're at like burnout phase. She's like, I'm like, I feel great. I've got so much energy. Like I'm constantly creating all the time. I'm working 18 hour days. What are you talking about? She's like, I don't know how you're standing up.
She's like, based on your labs, you should be bedridden. And I'm like, OK, tell me more. And that's kind of the start of my own somatic journey and realizing that the nervous system plays this incredible role in everything we do, not just our health, but in how we create our business, how we create our wealth, how we even create our intimacy in relationships and what we're available for. And it just opened up.
Pandora's box in the best way, where I had to really reorient my entire life around this new idea that I can't create from survival. I cannot keep creating from hustle. I have to create from a different space. And that space was so foreign to me because I'd always been a hustler. I'd always been an overachiever. I'd always been a perfectionist. And that's all I knew. And so it was like I had to become a baby giraffe. I'd be like.
Emma (08:42.913)
Mm-hmm.
Emma (08:56.481)
Yeah.
Alexi Panos (09:00.556)
What do I do now? How do I do this thing called safety in my body? What does that even mean? So I'll stop there, but long journey.
Emma (09:05.791)
Mm-hmm. No, I mean, it's so true, and I can so identify, and I think so many of us have to kind of go through like another phase of adolescence when we learn how to succeed from another place. And it does feel like you're that baby giraffe, and you're like, wait, what does this even look like and feel like? But I'm so curious. So when you were s-
you're pushing, you're working these 18 hour days, sounds like, I you were doing these amazing things and you were lit up and inspired by a lot of it too, it sounds like, but not realizing your own limits. Did you have any signs other than just this woman telling you you had no hormones, that you were overriding your body's cues or were you so disconnected from it you didn't even realize?
Alexi Panos (09:50.656)
I was so disconnected from my body that, I mean, I wasn't listening to my body. I wasn't sleeping. I was, you know, eating whatever was available, cheap and fast and close so that I could become more efficient and get more work done. Like I prioritize success over everything. Number one, because I was loving this new career I was in and that I was building. So I was like so passionate about it. It's like, my gosh, I get to impact the world, really meet people and change people's lives.
Emma (10:04.351)
Yeah.
Alexi Panos (10:19.808)
and do what I love, like pinch me, this is exactly what I want. But two, I also felt the pressure of the momentum that I was building of like, okay, I gotta keep this up now. Like you can't drop this, like if you drop this even for a second, it's all gonna go away. And so this was at the time when like Facebook and Instagram was starting to become a thing. So I was literally like.
Emma (10:35.359)
Yeah.
Alexi Panos (10:42.922)
stress posting every day. Like I've got to, I was responding to every comment. I'm like, I got to stay on top of this because this is relevance. And if I'm not in this, like this is why I got invited to Necker Island because I'm a forward thinker in social media. Like, okay, I got, I got to keep that up now, you know? And so I had no idea to be honest. And it wasn't like, thank God for that test because
Emma (10:51.071)
Hmm.
Alexi Panos (11:08.682)
If that test hadn't happened, I would have just kept going. I probably wouldn't have gotten pregnant and I wouldn't have known why. And I would have just been like, maybe I'm not supposed to have kids. Not knowing that my body was running on pure adrenaline for years, for years. So big.
Emma (11:14.1)
Mm-hmm.
Emma (11:18.847)
Mm-hmm.
Emma (11:22.906)
Mm-hmm. Totally.
And I think, I mean, I had a similar experience where I went to my hairdresser and she told me I'd lost a third of my hair since I'd been in there last. And it took an external person and something like physical, like you have no hormones or your hair is falling out to be like, is there a problem here? Because we're just so used to succeeding from that place and from that push and from that hustle that we're like, I don't even know that this, there is another way or that this is a problem. And it's so interesting that like, I think so often people, or I certainly
Alexi Panos (11:42.324)
Something wrong?
Emma (11:56.013)
to think that like, but if you were doing the kind of soul line work that you were doing and you really enjoyed it, or if you had any amount of success, then you'd feel good, you'd feel safe, you wouldn't feel that same survival mode or that same stress. But what you're saying is like, actually, in some ways, that increases it. Because once you get a taste, you got to keep up, like it could all go away. And so there's that same sense of urgency and scarcity and push, even when you are, you know, booking 30k talks and, you know,
Necker Island with Richard Branson. It's like, when does it ever stop?
Alexi Panos (12:30.606)
Right, right. And that's the thing, right? I think a lot of us, it's why we get trapped in the cycle, because you can never get enough of what you don't actually need, right? Said another way, it's like eating junk food all day and going, I'm still hungry. It's because we're not getting the actual nutrients and nourishment that our body needs to thrive. So it's just surviving on fumes. And so no amount of money. You know, I made over $10 million in the span of
10 years as a new entrepreneur. And it was like, the last five really was basically one to 10. And I was like, my gosh, this is incredible. But no amount of money would have made me feel safe. And that's the get, right? The minute we start putting our safety or our sense of enoughness on something outside of us, which is how most of us have been living our lives since we were kids, it's what our parents did too. It's what society does.
Emma (13:02.72)
crazy.
Emma (13:10.378)
Mm-hmm.
Alexi Panos (13:25.538)
To us, it's the way. Well, as soon as I get the money, as soon as I get the awesome job, as soon as I get the new title, as soon as I get the partner and the kids and the, you know, house with a white picket fence, then I can relax and take a breather and feel like I've made it and my life is good. But that only lasts for like a moment. And then we're on to the next thing because it's junk food. It's like eating a bag of chips and going, I finally feel a little bit of relief for that hunger pain I was feeling.
Emma (13:49.032)
Mm-hmm.
Alexi Panos (13:54.84)
But it lasts for two seconds because then our body goes, yep, still don't have what we need. And what we need is inherent internal safety. And that concept was like Mandarin to me. I was like, I do not understand, does not compute. What do you mean internal safety? it's been my lifelong journey and has now become my work that I do. And it's the work that you do because we know that this is the foundational work.
Emma (13:59.39)
Hmm.
Emma (14:12.831)
Totally.
Alexi Panos (14:24.152)
that underpins everything, whether you want more money, more love, more happiness, become a better mom, become a better partner, whatever it is, this is the foundational work.
Emma (14:26.217)
Mm-hmm.
Emma (14:36.105)
Yeah. Yeah. And so many of my clients and the women listening, they're high achievers, right? They're the super women. They're the ones holding it all together and doing all of the things. But yet we're so burned out. We're so overextended. We're so exhausted. Why do you think that so many women continue to push themselves, even though at some level it doesn't feel good on the inside? Do you think it's that we're completely unaware? Or is it internalized shame or societal conditioning?
Alexi Panos (14:50.285)
Yeah.
Emma (15:06.229)
what is in that soup that is causing us to abandon ourselves like that. It's such a like macro scale that we don't even know that there's another way of being.
Alexi Panos (15:16.258)
that, well, I mean, you said it, it's a soup. It's this collection of all these things that create this perfect storm of, okay, at some point when I was young, I learned that it was not safe to be me. So, okay, I've got to become this version of myself and that's different for everybody. Either you become somebody that pushes and achieves and gets it right, or you become somebody that kind of disengages and waits and is a little more passive.
or you become somebody that's constantly distracted or performing or doing all these different strategies to stay safe. So we've got that. Then we have our culture, whatever culture we were born into, the family culture, the culture of the family that we're born into, and then the culture of the society that we live in. All those things are shaping what we view as okay, normal, acceptable, and what makes us a good person. Now add to that,
A woman, just being a woman in today's world comes with a list of unconscious things that we should and shouldn't be. And so we're constantly playing this game of too much, not enough, too much, not enough. And so there is no awareness because we are literally stuck in just trying to figure out who we have to be in order to create some sense of relief and safety in our lives. And for me, that was showing up.
Emma (16:22.665)
Mm-hmm.
Emma (16:33.246)
Mm-hmm.
Alexi Panos (16:36.11)
as being a good wife, being a good partner before I was married, I didn't even realize the conditioning I had until I was watching myself do it from 30,000 feet in the air going, what are you doing right now? Not voicing what I needed, not stepping in. was like, oh, well, just do it, just get it done because you want it done right. So he doesn't need to do it. So now I'm taking over all the housework and handling the admin of the business and.
holding everything with the kids. It's like, I can do it. I can do it. I could. Everyone, you should be superwoman. You should be a boss, babe. You should be, you know, the independent woman. I don't need anyone. I got it. And there was the shame of if I can't hold it, then I'm a bad woman. Then I have failed as a woman. I have failed the women who have come before me who have fought for my right to be an equal in the workforce and to be an equal earner and to have power and to have...
Emma (17:20.531)
Yeah.
Alexi Panos (17:33.294)
stature in society. If I'm not a great mom and I'm not present, have failed every mother before me. I'm failing my children. If I'm not a good wife, I'm failing my husband. So it's this like dance of trying to avoid failure at all costs and we're killing ourselves.
Emma (17:51.476)
Yeah, and just hearing you say that, like the expectations we're putting on ourselves, they're not even realistic. They're not achievable. And they're not internalized. Like actually, a lot of this is coming from society and from the roles that we've been expected to play. And I mean, I was having this conversation with my husband, like, I love my in-laws. I love having them here to visit. But I'm like, hey, can I get some advance notice if I'm going to be like cooking dinner for everyone? And he's like, we'll just order takeout.
Alexi Panos (17:57.632)
I'm crying.
Emma (18:21.409)
It's not a problem. And I'm like, but there's actually still this expectation. If I had all my in-laws order over and I just ordered takeout, I wouldn't be a good wife. I wouldn't be a good host. And it doesn't reflect on him. It's not like he wouldn't be a good son or a good husband if he just ordered takeout. It reflects on the woman. And so we actually do have this additional expectation on us. And it's such a
Alexi Panos (18:29.56)
Yes.
Alexi Panos (18:33.87)
100 %
Emma (18:47.625)
bold, it takes such confidence to be like, I'm willing to let other people down, or I'm willing to say no, I'm willing to be a failure in other people's eyes, to some extent, because I can't do everything. But how do you actually get to the place where you can be willing to say, okay, I see that there's this conditioning and the societal expectations, but that doesn't work for me. Like, that's big work.
Alexi Panos (19:11.562)
It's big work and it's deep work. And the truth is, is it's a long, arduous process. That is also amazing because I don't want to make it sound awful. It's, it's the most liberating process, but it's, it's challenging because you start to unravel all these ideas. And then as you're unraveling, you're like, well, who am I? If I'm not that, well, then who am I? If I'm not that, well, who am I? And then you get to this core.
Emma (19:34.644)
Mm-hmm.
Alexi Panos (19:42.126)
that's usually pretty young, and you go, oh, oh, okay, I never actually got to mature into my sovereign woman. I've been playing this role of this young child who centered attachment over authenticity. And so when we center attachment, which makes sense, biologically, we all do it because we need attachment as children to survive. We need somebody to feed us, to give us shelter.
Emma (19:52.98)
Yeah.
Emma (20:00.873)
Yeah.
Alexi Panos (20:12.034)
to do all the things that make us safe. So we learn very quickly, well, I can't be myself, I need to have attachment. And so we become this version of ourselves. And so unwinding that is I've got to center authenticity over attachment. And that is a hard thing to do in this world.
because you're gonna upset people, you're gonna let people down, especially if you've been over-functioning and being a good girl and a people pleaser, people are gonna be like, what happened to you? Like, where'd the old version of you go? I want her back, because they benefit from somebody who doesn't put their needs first or at all in the picture. And so it really becomes this thing of, you know what? I may let people down, but I'm not gonna let myself down. You know what?
Emma (20:37.245)
Mm-hmm.
Alexi Panos (20:59.84)
I may hurt people's feelings, but I'm not gonna hurt myself anymore. And that is a very challenging thing to do, especially as a woman who's already up against the programming of trying to be good and prove our goodness in all these areas of our lives.
Emma (21:15.059)
Totally. And like you said, it is oftentimes comes back to such a young age of when we started to self abandon and think that, OK, in order to be worthy, in order to attach, I need to be all these things that I'm clearly not. So I need to just override my inner knowing. I need to override my body's cues. I mean, I know for me personally, it was in the fifth grade when I was, I think, 10 years old and I didn't test highly.
enough to get into the gifted and talented program. And my parents went to Harvard Business School and were intellectuals. And like them finding out that their daughter wasn't gifted or talented. it was such a moment for me where I'm like, OK, in order to belong, in order to attach in this family, I need to work harder. I need to be more perfect. I need to study more because I'm not good enough, clearly, in the value system and in the water and the air that I'm breathing. obviously, our parents wouldn't consciously, at least most of them, want us to feel that way.
Alexi Panos (21:47.598)
Yeah.
Alexi Panos (22:04.418)
Yes. Yes.
Emma (22:14.858)
observing or taking this in. And that led to a few decades of self abandoning and being the straight A student and the one who kills it in career and then all the other ways. I'm curious for you, what was at the core of that? What was your programming? What was your starting point to override that self? And what did you believe success looked like?
Alexi Panos (22:38.51)
Well, you and I are so similar in that way because my parents are both like crazy smart both entrepreneurs My dad comes from an immigrant family Greek family that came over here and like you were expected to work like we were Five six seven years old in my family's kitchen at the restaurant Like working doing dishes making toast during brunch on Saturdays and Sundays like we were put to work we were seating people to their tables and dropping their menus and
Emma (22:52.189)
Yeah.
Alexi Panos (23:08.374)
I'm so grateful for that, but I also internalize, like, I've got to be useful, I've got to be productive, I've got to be contributing to the family, and don't you dare ask for any acknowledgement about what you're doing. It's expected. And so it's like, it's just expected. You show up, you work, you work hard, you go harder than everybody else because you have to prove that you're worthy of being here because Greek immigrants in Erie, Pennsylvania were considered kind of the outcast.
And so they came there and were considered like the lower ranked people. So they had to outwork and prove themselves, prove their value and their goodness. So that's in my DNA. Now I've also got parents that have this crazy high expectation. I would get a 98 % on a test and they're like, why'd you miss two? Like you should be getting 110. Oh, they had bonus questions. You should have, you should have got the top score. Like you're better than that. And they did it as a way to encourage me.
Emma (23:54.898)
Mm-hmm.
Alexi Panos (24:05.314)
But I took that as I can't mess up, can't get it wrong, I can't fail, I gotta be perfect. And not only perfect, I gotta be the top of everything. And so as a young kid, mean, have my story from 15 to 20 is crazy. Like I was working three jobs. I was doing personal development as a 15 year old, like going to Tony Robbins, like reading leadership books, like I was on it right at 15.
But now looking underneath, I was on it from this, like, this is who I gotta be to be successful. I gotta be ahead of the game. All these people are talking about who they're going to prom with. Screw the prom. Like, I'm starting businesses. And I was. I was starting businesses at a young age. I started, like, trying out for big things. I was, I got a music career at 16 and I started traveling the world. It's constant and classic overachieving all over my life because the internal not enough-ness was so loud.
Obviously I didn't know it at the time, but it was so loud that I thought if I could just achieve one more outrageously impossible thing, then maybe, maybe I could be enough. Not to anyone in particular, but just to this great unknown idea of my enoughness lives somewhere out here and not in here. And so again, there's no amount of anything I could have achieved at a young age that would have satiated that.
Emma (25:24.156)
Mm-hmm.
Emma (25:31.455)
How did you actually start to give yourself permission to fail, to let balls drop, to have something give, to say no? I think that is, it's nice in theory where like, yeah, yeah, okay. I'll just give myself that permission, I'll prioritize better, but like.
Alexi Panos (25:31.853)
Nope.
Emma (25:52.529)
It's so hard in practice. What actually gave? Because we see so many, I there's this, I'd love to hear your take. Can women actually have it all? Or is that just some bullshit idea that we've been fed to then be superhuman and to override our inner knowing? Or if you're not at all, what drops? What gives?
Alexi Panos (26:10.412)
Yeah, well, I love to say yes, you can have it all, but not all at the same time. So yes, but not all at the same time. it really was having my first child that was like, it just forced it. It forced it upon me. And again, I had my bloods done and knew like, okay, something's gotta give. They changed some stuff. I start taking some rest. I stopped working like,
a mad woman and like start going for walks on the beach and just adding these like tiny little it would be like 10 minutes a day. I'm like, okay, I can give myself 10 minutes a day of being a regular human. I called it my regular human time. I can be a regular human. 10 minutes. I got 10 minutes.
Emma (26:50.942)
10 minutes, wow. But for most of us, that's like really hard to find.
Alexi Panos (26:56.34)
Right, but that was hard for me at the time. I was like, I could be using that 10 minutes on making money or becoming more successful. Why would I go for a walk on the beach? I can do that whenever. I totally downplayed rest and rejuvenation. And so I got to the point where we got pregnant, like right when we started trying, we got pregnant right away, and I was traveling. I was traveling the world. My husband and I pressed him. We were leading workshops around the world. I mean, we were still like...
Emma (26:58.845)
Yeah.
Alexi Panos (27:24.002)
go, go, go, we were recording and shooting content and still building. And then I gave birth to Kingston, my son, and I did a home birth and the birth was great. But I recognized after that, like it just all hit me where I was like, I can't operate the same way that I've been operating. I have this little human now that is.
requiring me of time, energy and nutrients and I've got to be taking care of myself to take care of this child. And my sense of responsibility like really took over for him and he was my linchpin. Like he was the thing that if I couldn't do it for myself, I could do it for my child. And that was what really, cause I was doing a little bit before for me, but the truth, it didn't really change until I had him, until I looked him in the eyes and was like,
Like you're more important than everything. And so a lot had to give, like a lot had to give. I closed up portions of my business that were making great money and essentially on like rinse and repeat, but energetically felt like a big thing to hold. And so I closed them down. I had a whole like identity crisis where I'm like,
Well, who am I if I'm not doing this and this? And these are the things I became known for and what if I take it all away? And so I had to face off with like the melting of who I was in association to these parts of my business. And that was really big and really messy. But I kept at it. It's a part of my personality to stay in and like stay in the hard, like stay with it until it clears.
The clearing was so beautiful because I just found this woman underneath that I'm like, oh, you're awesome. Like, where have you been this whole time? And it took me a while to trust that she was enough because she felt softer. She felt happier. She felt like she moves a little slower and enjoyed life a little more. And I'm like, this girl's gonna get us in trouble. know, she's gonna have us.
Alexi Panos (29:33.61)
Loosen out on all the success. She's going to have us not wanting to work. Like I had all these fears around this like more feminine version of me like Ruining my business ruining my success because she didn't want to work as hard. She didn't want to hustle She didn't really care about funnels and metrics. She's like marketing, you know, and I'm like, what am I gonna do if she takes over my life? and so I really had to learn how to trust her and
Emma (29:37.31)
Hmm.
Emma (29:58.494)
Totally.
Alexi Panos (30:02.604)
The game changer for me is when I started seeing that when I stepped into this more like alive, feminine, soft version of me, while still integrating this like beautiful masculine that I have, and that was so, so strong within my system, I became unstoppable. It was like, I just needed all of my parts online. Not just this one, like not just this one side that's really awesome at this one thing, but like this side that's really awesome at
feeling and intuition and creativity and aliveness and that's when my business like tripled with way less work because of who I was being I Didn't have to like here. Let me show you who I am here. Let me show you who I am here Let me prove to you what my course is the best. It just like hey, this is what I'm offering and people are like, yes Yes, and I never understood that concept like people would talk about
Emma (30:41.681)
Hmm.
Emma (30:52.635)
You're magnetizing it to you. Yeah.
Alexi Panos (30:58.862)
law of attraction and I saw the secret and all the things and it's like, yeah, okay, get conceptually that, but I never truly got like you become a magnet when you are that until I actually experienced it. oh, go ahead.
Emma (31:12.049)
And that.
No, I just about to say, when I met you, you were magnetic to me. You weren't doing anything outwardly. You were just being. And that being, was like, I could feel it. I could feel your embodiment. I could feel your energy. And that was why I was like, I want that. I want to learn from her. I want to study under her. I want her to be my mentor because of bringing that feminine online. And I had only really had these masculine models of success at that point, particularly in a really male-dominated industry like tech.
Alexi Panos (31:35.246)
Wow.
Emma (31:43.656)
or I saw women who are succeeding by living into the masculine. So they were trying to succeed as men. But I don't think I had any examples of what it looked like to succeed as a woman and not just in your feminine. You also had that masculine. You had the structure. You had the intellect. You had the ability to like get shit done too. But bringing both into balance, I think is like so rare. We often swing totally into the masculine or totally into the feminine and seeing that integration.
Alexi Panos (32:06.51)
that.
Emma (32:13.439)
feels very, very rare and very foreign to most. I'm curious, can you dive a little bit deeper for my audience into this understanding of like masculine and feminine energetics and like, what does that actually mean? Do we have both? What does it mean to like have that fully online all your parts?
Alexi Panos (32:26.595)
Yeah.
Alexi Panos (32:31.99)
Yeah, yeah, it's a big thing. And I think in today's world on Instagram especially, everyone's kind of throwing around these terms. And I think it's important to demystify the terms and also take the pressure off. Because I think within the terms of masculine and feminine, there's still a lot of pressure and shame. A lot of people like myself, probably like you as well, we've been told, you're so in your masculine.
And we've almost been shamed because of this amazing quality of being able to get shit done and like produce and build and contain ideas. Like that's magic. Why are we ever saying, like, why am I ever getting shamed about that? Like what? And we put this like the feminine as this thing that's like.
Emma (33:08.955)
Yeah, I love that about me.
Alexi Panos (33:20.37)
every woman should be in her feminine. And if she's not, she's not a good woman. So here goes more of that programming of like, you need to be a good woman while you should be in your feminine more than you are in your masculine. And so I like to take the labels off, especially for newbies. And we talk about it as like structure and flow, right? So structure, we can think about our physical body.
Physical body being the structure that contains the flow of energy, aliveness, spirit, soul, whatever you want to call it. Right? We can think about structure of a business, systems, admin, getting stuff done, actualizing and creating funnels. The feminine of the business is like being with people, having those conversations, building relationship. It's the flow of aliveness that actually makes something worth buying.
Right? It's why we buy one brand over another because of the aliveness of the brand. We're more attracted to it, right? Even though it's the same product, different marketing, different aliveness. And so that's how I like to think about it. And every human being has both. We are all born with both. How do we know? Because we all have bodies and we all have the energy that animates those bodies that is feminine and masculine. And so what happens again, as women, especially women in our generation,
You know, if we had mothers that grew up within the feminist movement, we watched women start to learn how to take their power back, start to say, hey, we deserve a space at the table. And we're watching our moms. Most of our moms worked. Most of our moms, like, you my mom worked multiple jobs and went to night school. And she was like hustling around the clock trying to fit into this idea of like, well, hey, I have this privilege. I want to actualize it. And she did.
Emma (34:49.541)
Hmm.
Alexi Panos (35:09.804)
And so we watch these women in our lives we love going, ooh, I gotta be something. And if they didn't do that and they were the homemaker, we watched her kind of bump up against the edges of the women who were going to work. And now the homemakers are being told, you're just a stay at home mom. that's cute. And so now there's a shame. So much judgment because like, you're only doing the hardest job on the planet. Like, and not getting paid for it. who are you, right?
Emma (35:28.061)
So much judgment there, yeah.
Emma (35:39.59)
Hmm.
Alexi Panos (35:39.758)
Because society doesn't value mothers. They don't value what it takes to raise a family. It's the hardest job in the world. And so we have these two versions of women who are up against all this expectation of society. And we start to go, okay, I've either got to be this woman, because I don't want to be just a stay at home mom. That was my programming, right? Or I'm going to be this woman and have to deal with the shame of like, I never actualized my potential. And so we pick our ride.
Emma (36:08.858)
And those women who are the stay at home moms are like, you're a bad mom because you're working. And so there's shame back in that direction. And they're like these different camps that are like, you got to pick. you red or you blue? Right?
Alexi Panos (36:12.332)
How do I?
Alexi Panos (36:19.126)
That, that, and it's so divisive. And so a lot of women like yourself and myself, when we internalize the shame of I can't just be a stay at home mom, that's not enough. I'm not doing enough with my potential. We start trying to prove how much potential we have unconsciously, of course, we start trying to play the game and, you know, do as much as we can make as much as we can be as successful as we can hold as much as we can. While also if you have a family.
hold your family. And we start to look at the feminine traits again, because there's already shame. you're just a stay at home mom. So what does that mean? you cook, you clean. We break it down into task, not, you bring life and love to the home. You're the magic maker of the home. You're the glue that holds the home together. Those are the feminine traits. But we don't talk about the feminine traits that way. We talk about, you clean, you cook, you take care of the kids, you change diapers. So we minimize them.
Emma (37:16.988)
Well, we're kind of like only valuing it from the masculine lens of that. It's like, well, what are you doing? Not how are you being even as a stay at home mom? And then you're not doing things of value. So yeah.
Alexi Panos (37:20.672)
Yes! That! That!
Alexi Panos (37:28.162)
That, and that says everything, that statement. You're not doing anything of value. And so we subconsciously think feminine stuff is just not valuable. Like, like aliveness, like who cares? Meanwhile, that is what every human being on the planet is chasing. They want more money so they can feel more alive. They want to look better so they can feel more alive. They want better clothes so they can feel more alive. Everything we want, every goal that we say we want, underneath that goal,
There is, if you go deep enough, I just want to feel more alive. I just want to feel more connected to life. I just want to feel loved and happy and like, like I matter.
Emma (38:06.492)
And enough and like you actually feel safe and you actually feel like you can land in the present moment.
Alexi Panos (38:13.11)
Yes, yes. And that is all the feminine. So when we awaken this feminine part of us, ourselves, you know, no matter what body you're in, no matter what gender you are, when you awaken this feminine part, it's this part that's the feeling body. It's the body that's like, I get to be totally myself. I get to enjoy life. I get to connect with others. I get to make meaning. And
Unfortunately, society does not value these traits. Society usually doesn't pay for them directly, but indirectly, it's what makes every successful person successful is there's something in them that's got this like spark that we're just magnetized to and attracted to. Even Apple, for instance, Apple came out as this like forward, beautiful, aesthetically pleasing brand.
Those are the feminine traits of like, we're gonna do tech different. Like we're gonna make it beautiful and colorful and different and have commercials with people dancing and they're feeling alive. That's the feminine. And that's when Apple won because they were doing what nobody else was doing at the time and it changed the game.
Emma (39:28.316)
Totally. Yeah, and something that I see a lot with my clients is that they're prioritizing and valuing the masculine doing more of, like you said, the strict systems and the structures and the getting it done and the intellect and the planning and all of that. But they're actually not taking any time for spaciousness to take a step back to feel creative to...
get in touch with like what's wanting to be birthed, what needs to come through, what gets to be born, how do we play, how's their joy, how's their deep listening and collaboration and communication in this presence where if you're just doing and you don't have any of that.
it is just burnout city, right? Like you're just doing more and more and more, but it doesn't actually feel good. Whereas when you take a step back and allow for some of that aliveness, some of that creativity, some of that innovation to come through, that's when actually then you can pour into the doing in an informed way that allows the product overall, whatever that is that you're doing, to be that much better. But we think about the feminine as not being valuable, but it is the thing that informs the doing. So without that information,
Alexi Panos (40:08.619)
I'm to fix this.
Alexi Panos (40:19.512)
Yeah.
Alexi Panos (40:33.166)
Bye.
Emma (40:36.174)
that connection, like, it all breaks down.
Alexi Panos (40:39.33)
That, that, and life just feels black and white, right? Like the feminine is color. The feminine is your senses. The feminine is, ugh, like the best bite of food that you've ever tasted. Like the feminine is what makes life worth living. And so many of us, myself included, we have shut that part of ourselves down. And I had shut that part of myself down for as long as I could remember. Like I didn't even know that life could be different.
than that because I'd been that for so long. And a lot of us, we hit a moment. It's usually a rock bottom moment where we're either crying on the bathroom floor because something terrible has happened to us or we lose our job or our relationship breaks down or someone cheats on you or something, or you lose a baby. We have these moments where they're like such a hardcore wake up call for us that we can't ignore it anymore.
And unfortunately, it takes something that big to wake us up. And to me, that's the beauty of the rock bottom moment. I've had many on my journey, but my rock bottoms were always like the critical turning points in my life. Or I'm like, I can't keep going like this. Like this is, it's unsustainable. It's not gonna work. I'm gonna die. This doesn't feel good. Like, this isn't it.
You know, but we're so busy going, going, going, going, going that it's almost like we've got blinders on to all the signs that life is giving us. Like, hey, go left. You're just going right. You got to go left. There's more to life. And we're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm busy. Shut up. Like not right now. And life's going, yeah, but there's more. Hey, you got to start paying attention.
Emma (42:17.691)
It's like, no, no, no, there's a lot on my to-do list. I gotta keep crossing it off. I don't have time for being right now.
Alexi Panos (42:23.498)
Right, like I remember I was getting little taps that I needed to pay more attention to my relationship. Like tap, tap, tap, hey, you gotta like, there's some work to do here. I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, we just had kids. Like there's a lot, like I gotta focus on kids right now. Like I can't, I don't have time for an adult. Like he can take care of himself. And it's like, no, no, no, you need to prioritize this. Like I can't, I can't. I'm drowning in children and housework and business. I cannot.
Emma (42:50.363)
Truly, you had four under four, you're actually drowning in children.
Alexi Panos (42:54.112)
I was actually like, in fact, I was drowning. Yes. and I just remember like right after my twins were born, it was right when COVID hit COVID, the world shut down March 14th. I had my twins February 21st and I literally was like, this could, everything could go away. Like everything, the world as we know it is stopping. And I've got these brand new babies and a one year old like
what is happening. And I was like literally faced with survival like all of us were like the ultimate survival of people could die because we didn't know what it was at first, right? We were afraid to touch our packages. Like, I don't know if you remember that whole moment, right? I had to like put on gloves.
Emma (43:36.527)
Mm-hmm. Yeah, you're like wiping down like cans that get dropped off or like
Alexi Panos (43:41.198)
I literally had my plastic gloves and I was like opening everything very slowly and keeping the kids upstairs. you know, it was like pure survival mode. And that survival mode like amplified everything that was happening in the relationship that was out of alignment, like for a lot of people, right? Like I'm not unique in this. And it just brought so much to the surface. That's like, all that stuff that you've been stuffing under the rug, like
Emma (43:44.869)
How are they?
Alexi Panos (44:10.144)
your body has no space for it because it is literally on full on survival mode. The world could end, everyone could die. And like, we don't have space to try and keep ignoring this whole thing that's happening in your house. So you need to handle this. And it was one of my rock bottom moments that got me even deeper into this work, because it's a layered process, right? And I'm a little stubborn. I'm a little stubborn. And it got me into this deeper thing of like,
Emma (44:17.624)
Mm-hmm.
Emma (44:30.693)
Mm-hmm.
Alexi Panos (44:38.062)
It's not just a thing that you learn in your head, Lex, because that's the thing. At first, my feminine journey was like, okay, I'm going to understand it, because that's part of my safety strategy. I'm going to understand it. I'm going to read the books. I'm going to take the courses. I'm going to understand it. I'm going to start making subtle shifts. But it wasn't really until I started getting into the embodiment of it and making the concepts I was learning in embodied practice in my system, where I felt the monumental shifts of like, oh, I'm actually like,
Emma (44:42.277)
Mm-hmm.
Alexi Panos (45:07.778)
physically feeling different, not just understanding that I can and maybe am different. And so again, there's layers to it. It's an unraveling. I feel like I'm still unraveling. I'll be unraveling my whole life. Let's be honest, we all are. But it is, it's such a thing.
Emma (45:13.307)
Mmm.
Emma (45:23.351)
Yeah. What does it actually look like when that comes to the surface and you stop saying later, later, later, and you say, okay, now, and you face it like, what is that initial process and eruption and processing? And then you're talking about the practices then that you had to build and lean into. Like, what does that initial clearing look like? And what do those practices then look like to be an embodiment?
Alexi Panos (45:45.102)
So the initial clearing is like a bomb goes off in your life. I'm just, not going to sugar coat it. Things get ugly, things get messy. You start looking around your life going, my gosh, I've built so much of my life out of alignment. I built so much of my life out of people pleasing and over-functioning and trying to gain safety through, you know, being the person that everyone relies on. And when you really get that,
when you really get how you've been playing the game, because you haven't built safety in here, you start to look at your world so differently, because you realize it's like a house of cards. And like, it's waiting just for one gust of wind to just blow it all down, because it was never built on anything secure. Like, there's no actual foundation there. And so the house of cards start falling. You're like,
trying to go, okay, what do I need to make sure sticks here? Because I've got a lot of balls that I'm holding. And you start to have to really do life a lot differently. So I had to change my businesses. I had to change how I was operating in my businesses. I had to fire a lot of people because I was essentially like paying people because I was loyal and I didn't want them to lose their money. But I was still doing the majority of the work and that's less on them and more on me because I wasn't willing to let go of control.
because it had to be perfect. I had to find, relatable. I had to find people that were truly leading themselves so that they could step in and lead in my space as well. So that was an unraveling. I almost got divorced from my husband. Preston and I literally sat down and were like, okay, we work together really well. We parent together really well. Maybe we just do that and we don't do the romantic thing anymore.
Emma (47:10.699)
Mm-hmm. I know something about that too.
Alexi Panos (47:39.458)
Are we cool? Can we do that? And we genuinely talked about splitting our lives up and like, what would that look like? And we are now amazing and better than ever, but we got to the point of like almost filing for the papers. And it was a big deal because I would have never thought that I would have gotten there because the good girl would have just, you know, done what I needed to do to make it work versus, well, who do I have to be in my body to honor myself?
and also choose my husband. And that's a big conversation.
Emma (48:10.958)
Yeah, and in that to have you both be able to be like, this is what it would require for me to not self abandon. And here's what it require for him not to self abandon and get your needs met. And is that actually still aligned? that work? Or is that going to require one of you to shape shift too much to make it work? But that's like some really confronting.
Alexi Panos (48:23.406)
out.
Emma (48:33.566)
know, conversations to have and work to do. And it sounds like everything kind of had to be reevaluated, you know, your marriage or businesses, like probably different friendships, like everything had to come under this magnifying glass of like, does this actually work for me? Or was this from my safety strategy and my proving and my being needed and important to everyone else so that I could feel good enough?
Alexi Panos (48:35.148)
or yell.
Alexi Panos (48:41.07)
Thanks.
I have to.
Alexi Panos (48:48.366)
Yeah.
Alexi Panos (48:56.27)
Totally and that's the reckoning, right? Like I call that phase the reckoning. You're in the rupture and it is a reckoning and in order to actually make sovereign choices within that phase, you've got to have a real connection to your internal compass. And this is where the embodiment stuff comes in because the internal compass is something we can conceptualize through things like values and you know, there's amazing exercises to get clear. I'm like, what matters to me? What do I want my life to be about?
Emma (49:00.855)
Mm-hmm.
Alexi Panos (49:26.754)
But when you start to go into the body through emotional release, through expression exercises, through different practices, there's a wide range of practices, you start to realize that the body holds a different truth. Because the body is so much wider than we have ever explored. Most of us are living in about, you know, 5 % of our capacity as humans. But there's another 95 % of your expression that's available.
that some of you feel when you're drinking alcohol or taking drugs or some of us feel when we have these like elated experiences, we're like, oh my gosh, I feel so alive. That is possible for us. And there's so much wisdom in our bodies, but our bodies are so dense with unprocessed emotions, trauma, suppressed feelings. Sometimes those suppressed feelings are joy. get, I'm gonna say this, cause most people don't talk about this, but most women have a hard time actually allowing joy.
Emma (50:19.204)
Hmm.
Emma (50:25.058)
Yeah, it's like the most bypassed emotion, right?
Alexi Panos (50:25.237)
I didn't.
It's like you have a moment where you're like, my gosh, that's so good. And then you move on and you keep doing because joy itself feels so hard to let yourself receive. Because if you let yourself feel joy, when are you going to feel it again? It might never come again. I shouldn't enjoy it too much because it might be gone. And so we, we rob ourselves of our experience of being alive and feeling all the feels because we're just so afraid and in the body is where we get to face off with that.
Emma (50:55.668)
Mm-hmm. Yeah, and I mean in elementum You taught about you know trying to keep all the beach balls suppressed underwater like when we're pushing we're suppressing and repressing emotions and traumas and experiences or needs that we haven't fully looked at it's like we're you know trying to hold a beach ball underwater and it keeps trying to bounce up to the top and then we're like doing it with every finger and toe and limb just trying to hold all the freaking beach balls and like you think about how much energy that takes and it's like
We're trying to do all the things while holding all the beach balls. And no wonder we feel so burnt out and so exhausted. And if we could just release all those beach balls and just move through that, we would have so much more capacity even to do all the things. And from that place, we can also re-evaluate which of those things we actually want to do, which of those things actually feel in alignment. there's
I think in our culture, there's not a understanding of the value of that processing, of moving emotions through at a somatic level rather than just an intellectual one and what the actual productive value and outcome is of doing that. It's seen as like, ugh, that's just something that maybe once in a while I have a quick cry and I'm ashamed about it, right? Even though it feels so good. yeah, can you help to like...
Alexi Panos (52:10.21)
Get over it, move on, we don't have time for that.
Emma (52:16.153)
Ground how like the importance and the value of that clearing and of that processing like what does that give us on the other side? What's available when we've done that rupture and on the other side of that? Like what does that look like?
Alexi Panos (52:20.962)
Yes.
Alexi Panos (52:28.972)
Yeah, so this is again going back to how we've really discounted the feminine. The feminine is the feeling body. It is that way that we're like, not right now. Stuff it down, put it to the side. But the truth is we are beings that move on energy. And so all of this energy is constantly moving. We have energy moving nonstop, unconsciously keeping our systems alive, our heart, our lungs, our spleen, our bladder, all that is working.
around the clock, nonstop, so that we can go to Starbucks and get our coffee and have lunch with our friend and tuck our kids into bed. Great, that requires energy. Well, life requires energy too. So all the things that we wanna create requires energy. Now, imagine that I've got this energy system that's running 24 seven, but it gets the signal from your nervous system, hey, we don't feel safe in this body. no, now the nervous system goes, okay, well,
I gotta take some of these resources that go to keeping you alive and keeping you an upright human in the world. I'm gonna put them now towards survival. So I'm gonna mobilize energy, more energy in the body. I'm gonna create more energy in the body and now go out into the world, into the forest and start trying to find things that make you feel safe.
So we try and make more money, we try and get more partners, we try and look better, we try and stay younger, we do all these things. Maybe if I lose a little weight, maybe if I get a better car, maybe if I get this promotion, then I'll feel safe. And so now we're using those survival resources, trying to get safety out here. All the while, we're still being a human with a life that is life-ing. And we've got things that cause us upset, anger, frustration, fear, shame, grief.
sadness, sexual feelings, joy, gratitude, or constantly having all of this life experience coming into the system, while energy's going, but I gotta survive. So when that is coming into the system, we're stuffing it down and repressing and going, no, no, no, I don't have time for that. Not right now, we gotta survive, babe, we can't focus on that. And then what happens is eventually your system doesn't know what to do. It almost short circuits, because it's going out here looking for
Emma (54:21.421)
Mm-hmm.
Alexi Panos (54:41.878)
safety and survival, it's getting temporary relief, temporary hits of dopamine, but it's not enough. And so eventually that energy is gonna come back in the body and go, hey, that's not working. We're gonna start shutting down and just using our resources to focus on your body, your heart, your spleen, your bladder, your lungs, all the things that have to happen for you to survive, because that's not working. And in that, we actually lose connection to all of our other feelings as well, because all of that aliveness is going towards survival.
So what happens is when we start to go in the body and go, Hey, I'm going to pay attention to what's in here. And I'm going to allow all of that energy of, you know, joy, gratitude, pain, shame, grief, trauma, whatever it is, I'm going to just say, yes, what's here. okay. That's here. How does it want to move? How does it want to express? And you give it its moment to express and complete the cycle. All of a sudden you are now freeing up energy that was being used. As you said, the beach ball.
to push this thing down. So energy was used to suppress and push and hold it. And now that energy gets freed up. now I've got more energy for aliveness. I've got more energy available for life. I've got more energy for creativity because now I've cleared the channel and I'm not using all these resources on survival and suppression. So it matters so much for the quality of your life.
which is ultimately, again, what everybody is after under every single goal they have is a better quality of life. Every human being wants it. No matter how good you have it right now, I promise you, you probably want something different, right? What's under that is you want to feel more of life, you want to feel more alive, you want to feel that life is more worth living, right? You want to feel connected to it. But we've got to free up the resources that have been...
survival and suppressing and just focusing on, can't feel this, I gotta get safety. I can't feel this, I gotta get safety. Imagine how those resources are being used right now in your life. I know for me, when I first started really going into the body and clearing out what was in there, I couldn't believe some of the stuff that came out, like stuff that I had worked through in therapy. like, I worked through that. And it was like, no, you never felt it.
Emma (56:58.169)
Yeah. I already crossed that one off my to-do list. I already worked through. Why are you back?
Alexi Panos (57:04.216)
We're done with that. And my body was like, yeah, but you never felt it. You understood it and it made sense and you forgave them, but you never felt it. And that's big process.
Emma (57:09.475)
Yeah.
Emma (57:14.745)
And that's why so much in therapy, we understand it intellectually. And we're like, okay, I understand where this trauma came from. And yeah, I choose to forgive, blah, blah, blah, blah. But like you're saying, if you're not actually getting into the body, and you're actually moving that energy through, it's still dense. It's still trapped in there. It's still taking your life force to suppress it.
Alexi Panos (57:31.022)
That's right.
That's right. And so again, if you're feeling numb, if you're feeling disconnected, if you're feeling apathetic in life, I guarantee you, you've got a boatload of stuff that's just been stuffed down and packed away in the storage containers of your mind and your psyche and your body. And the minute you open them, it is, again, it can be challenging because most of us haven't been taught how to do this. And that's why having coaches and people to support you through this work is so important.
But it's the most liberating thing because you finally feel free. Like you just feel open. You feel space. You don't feel so heavy. You don't feel so rigid. You don't feel so tight. It doesn't feel so hard. You're like, I can see the bigger picture because you get out of survival mode. And when you get out of survival mode, all your learning brain and your creative resources open up and you see the world like
Black and white difference, 180. It's a different world when you're in your creative brain versus your survival brain. And that's where we say, you know, not much has to change for everything to be different. Because it is. It's a different reality.
Emma (58:47.041)
Yeah, and when you're building from that place, that's what I call conscious success. It's not coming from the survival response. It's not coming from the fear and the ego and the worthiness and the busyness and all of that. But you're actually available to be like, OK, what do I want to create? What do I want? What do I desire? What gets to be birthed through me? What are the relationships I want to deepen? Everything is actually coming from your truth, not from your fear and from your patterning. So I'm so curious.
you created from that space now after you did all that clearing, like what has that next chapter of conscious success looked like for you?
Alexi Panos (59:24.59)
It's so incredible. Well first I think most importantly I actually like who I am as a woman like that's my big one That's my biggest win is I'm like, I like who I like I like how I feel because before my life looked really good But it didn't feel really good. It's like the duck in the water that like looks really calm cool and collected on the top But underneath it's like I'm scrambling Stay above water. That was my life. It looked really good, but didn't feel good now my life
Emma (59:44.377)
Totally.
Alexi Panos (59:51.832)
feels good. Like I'm so present with my kiddos. I take time off. I don't stress the small stuff. I genuinely like I create with such enthusiasm and vigor and energy because I have so much of it. And I'm a mom of four young kids. Like my oldest is now seven. My youngest will be four next week. My house is still crazy. Like that hasn't changed. Pure chaos. I also have two dogs. Yes. I have multiple businesses.
Emma (01:00:14.87)
And you still have multiple businesses as well, right? Like, it's not like you're just a homesteader that isn't working also. Yeah.
Alexi Panos (01:00:22.348)
No, that's right. Like, yes, I make sourdough bread. I literally just pulled it out before we got on our call. I do want chickens as well, but I still run four multi-seven and eight-figure businesses. I still run an entire real estate portfolio, all here in Austin, a couple properties in New York City. And I get time off, like lots of time off. I'm like, sometimes I'm like, hmm, what should I do with my time today? Right? Like I take walks, I take care of myself, I nourish my body.
I take girls trips, like I actually have a life. What? You know, before my life report.
Emma (01:00:54.976)
And is that because you're like also delegating and releasing control and allowing others to be empowered? Like how do you do all that without doing everything?
Alexi Panos (01:01:03.15)
Yeah. So it's delegation. It's also like when you get into a safe body. Well, let me say this differently. When you're in an unsafe body, everything is urgent. Everything is urgent. Everything is 911. And so you're like opening your calendar, ticking off to do this. Like everything is like panic mode. got to get it done. When you're in a safe body, you're like, that's not important. Nope. That's important. Yeah. And like literally I have.
Emma (01:01:13.432)
Mm-hmm.
Emma (01:01:26.358)
You can discern what actually is important. Yeah.
Alexi Panos (01:01:31.49)
I'm still running a lot of my businesses myself. I do have one amazing OBM who supports me with so much. And then I've got a couple little team members underneath that do incredible work, but I still do a lot. Like I still work every day, you know, Monday through Friday, cause I love to work. It looks a little different. Like sometimes I'm in a creative vortex and sometimes I'm at my computer answering emails, but I just like, I know what matters and I know.
what's urgent and I know it's not because my body is not like, I've got to approve something or I've got to get this done. It's like internal safety creates such a wider perspective of what actually matters and you get rid of, you delete certain things, you delegate certain things and you don't, I don't feel like I have to micromanage and control everything because I no longer feel like my success is contingent on their perfection, which I could never trust.
Emma (01:02:22.045)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Totally.
Alexi Panos (01:02:23.446)
Right. And so now I have team members that I can trust and we're collaborating and doing bigger things because I've let go of needing to have my hands in everything. So that's been huge. And then just about a relationship with my husband, like we're literally same man, second marriage. And we literally feel like we married different people because we both found out who we were in that process of unraveling, like who we actually were, not the versions of us. He was trying to be the nice guy. I was trying to be the good girl.
Emma (01:02:34.774)
Mm-hmm.
Emma (01:02:49.655)
Yeah.
Alexi Panos (01:02:53.602)
We weren't actually in a relationship with each other. You know, we were in a relationship with our wounded mask. Yeah. our representatives fell in love and had all the chemistry. And then eventually the masks got heavy and we took them off and it's like, wait, I don't know if I still choose you. And so now we get this brand new relationship with someone that we actually fully choose from sovereignty. And that's been really incredible. So, so many good things. and I got to also say.
Emma (01:02:58.636)
Personalities are representatives, yeah.
Emma (01:03:19.064)
Amazing, so.
Alexi Panos (01:03:23.976)
in the spaciousness, because we talked about earlier, like the space for ideas to come alive. Like you said, how many of your clients don't do that? I gave myself for my birthday, a five day trip by myself this past two weeks ago. So I went to the California coast in San Diego and I just gave myself space to ideate and like open and release to whatever needed to come through for this next iteration. And like when I tell you I, it's going to sound woo, but it is.
Emma (01:03:37.026)
So good.
Emma (01:03:53.4)
You
Alexi Panos (01:03:53.774)
I downloaded this incredible women's art exhibition that's experiential art that I'm doing before my next birthday. And it's 18, like it's 18 different pieces. And it's like, I saw it all. drew sketches of it. I came up with the whole thing. I wrote the whole thing down. It's like, it's done. And that would have never happened if I didn't give myself space. And I have goosebumps. Like it feels like the next chapter I'm stepping into. So I'm like, space is everything.
Emma (01:04:03.544)
Hell yes.
Emma (01:04:13.56)
Mmm.
Yeah, totally. Ugh.
It's so good and the fact that like yeah, you can download you can tap into that creative potential You can be that like through me channel to just be like, okay What needs to come through right and and it doesn't have to be through Hustle and force and push and all of that. So it's so amazing to see And I can't wait to come to that exhibit. So so juicy so good Okay, so I know we're coming to time. I want to wrap up with five questions that I want to ask each of
Alexi Panos (01:04:44.109)
Yes.
Emma (01:04:52.036)
my guess and then here where we can stay connected with you. So I'd love to first just hear what does conscious success mean to you? These are just rapid fire questions.
Alexi Panos (01:04:59.086)
Hmm. It means choosing intentionally what you desire and what you want to build from pure sovereignty, not from patterns of survival.
Emma (01:05:10.072)
So good. Even the people we admire most are always growing and evolving. What is one area of your life where you're currently being stretched or learning something new?
Alexi Panos (01:05:21.55)
I am being stretched with schooling my children. I feel like my capacity is like, I want so bad for them to have this wide education and they're currently in public school. They were in private school before and I think I might homeschool them. I'm like...
Emma (01:05:39.82)
Wow, adding that on.
Alexi Panos (01:05:42.75)
I don't know if I'll do it, but I'm working on building a curriculum for my children. And so I'm really getting stretched in like what actually matters as life skills for little humans that are entering a world that's gonna look completely different from the world that we know. And I'm like getting my butt handed to me right now. I'm just like, my God, this is so hard.
Emma (01:05:46.988)
Hmm.
Emma (01:05:57.336)
Mmm.
Emma (01:06:02.103)
Okay, well, I'm a couple years behind you, but I'm going to need that curriculum as well. So I'll be circling back on that one. Is there a book that has really stuck with you over the years that you constantly reread or recommend to others?
Alexi Panos (01:06:11.256)
Yeah.
Alexi Panos (01:06:18.55)
So many. Healing the shame that binds you is a really good one for anyone that really enjoyed this conversation. One of my spiritual books is Conversations with God. I've probably read it a hundred times and I always get something new from it. Whether you believe in God in the religious term or not, there's just so many nuggets of wisdom in there.
Emma (01:06:22.103)
Mmm, so good.
Emma (01:06:39.799)
So good. Who is someone in your world today who you admire for how they live, lead, or succeed? And what is it about them that inspires you?
Alexi Panos (01:06:49.64)
that's a great question. I have a friend in my life. Her name is Tracy and she, she's a homemaker. And she's also like one of the most insanely talented artists I've ever seen. She's so present with the people around her. She's so real. She's so strong. And she single-handedly has rewritten my entire paradigm of what a homemaker is.
And I didn't even think it was possible to have that based on all the women in my life that were homemakers. Like my Greek side of the family, all the women never worked, never drove cars, like traditional Greek women. And so I kind of had this like, man, they weren't empowered at all. They didn't get to drive themselves around and da da da. And then I had my mom who was like a workhorse entrepreneur. She is like this beautiful blend of power, strength, and dignity. And like her enoughness that she moves from is like.
Emma (01:07:42.519)
you
Alexi Panos (01:07:47.242)
It's just such an of course in her. I'm like, you are just a goddess. Yeah.
Emma (01:07:49.717)
Ugh.
Okay, we're gonna have to get Tracy on the pod. That sounds amazing. Okay, last question. If you could give your 10-year-old self one piece of advice, what would it be?
Alexi Panos (01:08:02.478)
Mm, life is messy, let it be messy. That's part of the magic.
Emma (01:08:09.74)
so good. Alexi, this has been amazing. I love every second I could talk to you for like days and days. Where can my listeners stay connected with you, work with you, give us all the goods.
Alexi Panos (01:08:20.194)
Yeah, so at AlexiPanos online, alexipanos.com, come work with me in person. The Bridge Experience is incredible. It's somatic nervous system work. It'll rock your world. Yeah, bridgeexperience.com. is so, so good. But find me online. I've got a podcast as well called A Woman, where I dive into all the facets of what it means to be a woman in today's society. So come find me, come chat. We're having interesting conversations in my neck of the woods, so let's do it.
Emma (01:08:30.923)
You have to do it.
Emma (01:08:44.256)
Amazing.
Emma (01:08:47.989)
I love it. Alexi, thank you for being you. Thank you for being my mentor. Thanks for being just a pillar for all of us on what it looks like to be consciously successful and an embodied woman. I've loved having you here. Thank you so much.
Alexi Panos (01:09:00.536)
Thank you, this has been so wonderful.
So good.
Emma (01:09:04.748)
Let me stop recording.
